There are seven common assumptions used by society and the courts to deny
or threaten the rights of gay parents:
All of these charges are disproved by research. No significant differences have been found between lesbian and heterosexual women in overall mental health or their approaches to raising children. Lesbians' romantic and sexual relationships with other women have not been found to negatively influence their ability to care for their children. Research on gay fathers has similarly found no reason to believe them unfit as parents. There are no significant differences between children of lesbian mothers and children of straight mothers with regard to intelligence, self-concept, or behavioral problems.
Gay parents are no more likely to sexually abuse their children than heterosexual parents; on the contrary, research has shown that ninety percent of all pedophiles are heterosexual males, and that the majority of sexual abuse cases involve an adult male abusing a young girl.
Three aspects of sexual identity are often considered in the research on gay parents and their children: gender identity concerns a person's self-identification as male or female; gender-role behavior concerns the extent to which a person's activities, occupations, and the like are regarded by the culture as masculine, feminine, or both; and sexual orientation refers to a person's choice of sexual partners-i.e., heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. The development of gender identity, gender role behavior, and sexual preference among children of lesbian parents is unaffected by their parents' sexual orientations. Studies have revealed normal development of gender identity among children of lesbian mothers, that the behavior among children of lesbian mothers fell within typical limits for conventional sex roles, and that the great majority of offspring of both gay fathers and lesbian mothers described themselves as heterosexual. There is no evidence that sexual orientation is determined by the family of origin, as evidenced by the fact that nearly all homosexual adults grew up in heterosexual families.
Research on peer relationships among children of lesbian mothers has shown normal development, and these children's experiences with harassment are no different from children of heterosexuals. All children are harassed at one point in their lives for one thing or another, and if gay parents anticipate that their children may be picked on, perhaps they can help their children handle adversity better in the long run.
Many people view the importance of diversity in our world, but fail to recognize the value of diversity provided by gay, lesbian, and bisexual parents. It's easier to be white, male, and Christian in our society. But does that mean that Black people or Jewish people shouldn't have children because prejudice will make their lives too horrible? Should female babies not be allowed to live because sexism will make their lives unbearable? No, of course not. Overall, studies suggest that growing up in a loving family is far more important than growing up in a conventional one.
Some researchers propose that instead of looking for differences between gay and straight parents, studies should examine the positive aspects of having gay parents. Children raised by gay, lesbian, and bisexual parents often develop greater acceptance of differences in lifestyles, types of families, cultures, religious beliefs, political views and values. Other advantages to having lesbian mothers involves more accepting and broad-minded attitudes towards women's independence, the concept of family, and social diversity than children from more conventional families. Often, children raised in gay families have large extended families and determine who is in their family by the quality of the relationship instead of by the sharing of genetic material. Lesbian parents are found to have more equal roles with regard to child-care duties and household chores than heterosexual couples. Children with lesbian parents also have been found to be less aggressive than children raised in heterosexual families.